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When I saw this game described on the forums yesterday as "Uncle Owen's journey to work" it didn't really fill me with much enthusiasm, but I am a kind of don't knock it till you try it kinda girl (apart from bestiality and anal sex) and once I got it into I couldn't stop.
In fact, I got so addicted that I totally forgot I was supposed to be training the new boy - PixelHugger, in the art of mucking out the wombat pen.
So with a bit thank you to JohnnyX, here's Tooncrisis.....shooting things* and not a football in sight**.
*Yay!
** Double Yay!
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Football games. It's highly likely that there will be quite a few of them around over the next couple of months. I heard PixelHugger say it was something to do with the impending Worm Cup, but he's been wrong before.
This game's slightly different from most of the other footy games you'll be playing, due to it being set in an office. Why they have pink wheelie chiars in there, I've no idea. I mean, who in their right mind would have chosen them!
But enough about interior design, the game at last. Stick you scores in the comments box, if you can be bothered.
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There's flickr addiction and there's flickr addiction (I should know, I suffer from the debilitating disease myself), but this geezer has got it so bad that he's written a song about flickr.
It's been written by Kerry Alaric Cheeseboro, ]kac[ for short and here it is in all it's glory - My Flickr Song (Hey, Flickr People)
Many thanks to Hog for bringing this to my attention.
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Pixels, pixels, pixels... that's all I look at all day, and at one point a few years ago that's all I'd dream about. Let's pause a moment to consider the humble pixel...
...and that's enough of that. Although it's time I got this game out of my system, 'cos it's hanging around, lingering in the background, and sometimes you've just gotta put your cards on the table, hold up your hands and admit you're guilty.
Here's a game that I built about 5 years ago. It's a bit retro, and a bit pixelated - just the way I like 'em. Not content with simply building a running-around-collecting-things game, I wrote a back-story too:
The evil Auntie Alias has mesmerised the Typographic World with her ultra-smooth ways. As a result, many perfectly good pixels now lie abandoned in the Field of Typography.
Simply put: Rescue all the pixels and pixelated letters, collect weapons and powers ups, and avoid everything that flies, marches or bleats!
It's Pixelhugger - the Game.
A prize goes to the first person to find the bug that I never got around to fixing!
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It's Friday (yay) and here in the deepest South-West, Run To The Sun 2006 kicks off today, though judging by the looks of the weather outside this very moment the event might be better dubbed Run To The Rain. 1000's of VW's will be rattling, falling apart and breaking down on their perilous journey to Newquay, to sit in some field and be gawped at and when their loving owner finally comes round from the party the night before, will most likely find that some oike has puked up all over their pride and joy.
What's this got to do with my Friday game I hear you all mumble?
Absolutely sodding nothing at all!
I'm feeling a bit angsty today and felt that I was in need of some blood, guts and shooting. I happened across this little number which seems to have sorted my problem, may I introduce Zombie Storm*. Shoot zombies, not the blue people, because you have to save them from being eaten.
Enjoy!
*If this has already been on the FP, sorry, but I could only be arsed to check back about 2 months.
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My gift to you this wet Friday morning: a fat slab of comedy under the guise of a Hummer parking game.
The instructions are in German, so I'm not sure why pressing the button bottom left turns this into a bright yellow Hummer suicide-parking game, but it's worth driving around simply for the view, and well worth completing the odd mission for the interstitial videos.
You wanna see mustachio'd germans wielding tonka toys? You've come to the right place.
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A late start here at Funjunkie Towers, and nobody's really feeling up to doing any work. Blame BeccaG. She started it all last night by handing out cups of tea to everyone, without mentioning the fact that the water coming out of the kitchen taps smelled funny.
Turns out somebody's switched the watermains inlet pipe with the outlet pipe from the secret laboratory down in the cellars. Nobody quite remembers what experiments were going on before Wild disappeared, but the fact that Badger Mushroom started turning invisible within 5 minutes might be a clue.
It's pretty disconcerting to watch somebody turn translucent, and by 11pm we were all at it. Around the room, FJ editors were fading in and out of existence, and the worst came when SillyBoy thought it might be amusing to take his clothes off to hide from the wombat. Unfortunately he reappeared at a rather inopportune moment and had to be rescued before losing a couple of personal belongings.
And the side effects? Let's not talk about them.
So while Dr.Poppyjuice and I pebbledash the bathroom once more, why don't you try our first Funjunkie Friday Game of the day: Warp Forest.
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Seems like it's a dossy week for all in Funjunkie Towers, so I may as well stick my oar in and assist the work-avoidance.
Following a near-death squeeze with a flatbed lorry on the way to work this morning, I was reminded of this oldie but goody:
Scooter Ace
Barring over-zealous lorry drivers, I'll post some more games tomorrow - prepare to do no work whatsoever.
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Blah blah......amusing comment.....
......Blah waffle......picture.....
Blah blah blah....Scurrilous rumour
........Blah blah blah............*
....wednesday afternoon.....energy levels low.......sigh........test of skill..........keep occupied until 5.30pm.....Yawn......play Base Jumping it's better than working believe me.
*will this do? Ed
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"A virus is a piece of bad news wrapped in protein." said Peter Medawar (1915-87), Nobel prize winner.
Don't really know who he is but he makes a fair point.
Almost as sharp a point as the one on this syringe of ebola virus* I have waiting for the builder who said he was coming at eight o'clock this morning to fix the hole he made in my wall.
Share with me the anticipation of giving him a lethal viral infection.
I do hope he turns up soon.
*Not really**
**It's anthrax
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A big hello if you’re joining us from Music For Squares this morning.* If it’s your first time here, then what have you been doing all this time?
Presuming you’re vaguely interested in music, you may like to join our absolutely ace-tastic Summer Burn. Or if that sounds a bit too much this early in the morning (it’s OK, it’ll still be there later), you might like to make yourself aquainted with some of our regulars in the forum. Actually, it’s probably too early for them to be up and about. They’ll still be asleep wherever they fell last night.**
If none of that appeals, which I can see it might not, then how about playing some games? We like a few games around here, oh yes.
*Only a moderate sized hello if you’re here by any other method
**Which could very well be your Nan’s house
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Hi, welcome to Tuesday afternoon.
The next few hours are all about going left, going right, and doing a bit of jumping. No, not in real life silly, onscreen. Sounds boring, but it’s much more fun in practice. Especially as soon as missiles and monsters get mentioned. Oh see, now you’re pricking your ears up.
Dumbo*
*Yes, I know I can talk
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Do you suffer from motion sickness? Have you ever felt a little queasy in the back seat of a car? Does the thought of spending 9 hours on a cross channel ferry in a howling gale make you turn a funny shade of green? Do you feel like blowing chunks right now?
Yes?
Best not click this link then. Don't say I didn't warn you.
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This is weird, and I like it.
Having now spent a while on Mars, we've been having a few cocktail and cheese parties with the indigenous lifeforms. Admittedly they're microbes, so the conversation tends to flag, but you definately get your moneys worth when the drinks are going in rounds.
Taz has actually entered into a civil parnership with one (it's a marriage of convenience though, as it just wants to emigrate to the Isles of Scilly - apparently there's good prospects for an upwardly mobile microbe)
Anyway, if you fancy cuddling up to a large, fluffy, stuffed Microbe, Bacteria or Virus then check these guys out: Giant Microbes I Quite fancy a pet Ebola myself.
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If you were following the very wise piece of advice from Monday, then you would have been happily eating a meal during the opening ceremonies of Big Brother 7 last night. But you didn’t follow the very wise piece of advice. No one ever does.
But if you did, then the word tourettes wouldn’t have an extra layer of meaning this morning. Which it does for everyone who stopped in last night.
*TOSSFART!*
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Oh dear, it seems I've been pipped to the post by Funjunkie's newest editor, PixelHugger. Obviously he hasn't quite learned the rules yet, so I guess I'll have to get the wombat to teach him a lesson.
Still, being second on posting Funjunkie Friday Games isn't too bad I suppose, although I do feel a bit of a failure.
It's a good one though... it might not look it at first glance, but trust me on this, you'll be hooked faster than you can say Two pints of bitter and ten packs of pork scratchings, please!. Klax 3D, it's better than it looks.
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Is it Friday yet...?
Let's kick off this lazy, wet Friday morning with some frantic action and an 8-bit happy hardcore Mario soundtrack, eh? Best stick your headphones on or you'll be out of a job - and there's no point doing that 'cos it's going to be a lousy afternoon at the pub, and the World Cup's not even started yet.
So getting fired today is pointless. Save it for a sunny one at least.
Anyway, dear Funkies/Junkies/FanJitas, I give you Bullet Bill. Ram the bricks and the Goobas, avoid the platforms, and post your scores to the comments if you dare.
(Now, apparently all I have to do to break the homepage is click one... little... button)
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Now, unless you’ve been living on Mars for the last 2 years, you’ll be aware of Myspaz
Some love it, some hate it, some go “Stop bothering me with this geeky stuff sillyboy, and do some work.” But no-one has ever done a scientific survey on it, and what makes its users tick. Until now that is.......
So read Moneydick’s A Scientific Approach to Myspace’s Failure
Enjoy such memorable quotes and facts as:
“I’m so Goth I shit Bats.”
There is “32.6 times more Lucifer-related tomfoolery than Jesus speak” on Myspaz.
"I hate my life" gets 134,000 mentions and the general string “I want to kill” shows up 11.5 million times!
Thanks for adding us ; - )
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Out with the old and in with the new, as the saying goes, although in this context it should be more like Out with the relatively name and in with the new.
Doesn't have the same ring to it though I suppose.
So EggMayo went AWOL immediately after we took her on as a guest editor, leaving a fairly conspicuous gap in the Funjunkie editorial team. But after nearly 2 months of... well, fuck all to be honest with you, we finally decided to get a replacement. And what better replacement than our new guest editor PixelHugger, who for the last few months has been feeding us with thousands of Funjunkie Friday Games under the guise of Pete, a name he was using to escape the law or something. Who knows.
I expect you'll hear from our new editor soon, introducing himself and making a mess of the site. Either that or he's already half way to Cuba by now.
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You can tell Summer is just around the corner; the skies are full of rain, and another Big Brother is due to start. After very nearly getting sued by Channel 4 for the 2004 BB spoof, we’ve had a board meeting here at FJ Towers and decided not do anything that might cause legal action against us.
Instead, here’s just a nice bit of advice for all you blokes out there. Book a table at a reasonably priced restaurant on Thursday night, say at about 8.30pm, and treat you lady to a nice meal. You’re not going to see her in the evenings for the next 13 weeks, so you may as well make the most of your last Summer evening together. Let’s face it, you’re probably going to be watching the World Cup anyway, so it kind of works out nicely.
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“I love Pong !”
I said to BeccaG the other day. She just laughed and asked me to pull her finger.
We had to clear the building for the rest of the day.
Resuming our conversation later I chided her,
“Not that type of pong, impressive though it was. I meant the game Pong.”
“Ah she said, how silly of me”
And then preceded to let loose the mother of all guffs. I’m beginning to think it was a mistake to put the wombat on the cooking rota, the whole place is starting to smell like an all boys school changing room.
Anyway enough of our gastro-intestinal issues, here’s BATTLE PONG – an updated version of the well loved classic*
*I’m 31 next week, which is like properly old, so I’m feeling very retro at the moment.
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You'll have noticed from the flick feed over there on the right, that the Funjunkie community is chock full of photography geeks. This is mainly because we have no social skills to speak of, and therefore find refuge behind the viewfinder of a camera.
This can be a little annoying for friends and family, who after a short while will become irritated by the constant intrusion of a telephoto lens, and in extreme cisrumstances, may be forced to beat the photographer over the head with a skillet. I can't begin to count the number of times this has happened to Reg.
So what does this have to do with our next link? Not much.
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If you're wondering where the next Funjunkie Friday Game link came from, you obviously haven't been paying attention. After several years of careful investigating, Funjunkie's freelance game spotter has built up a staggeringly large portfolio of timewasters to keep you all amused on a Friday.
We sit around on our arses all day long while Pete hunts down game after game, and all he asks for as payment is 2 blocks of lard for each link we post. Nobody has quite worked out what he does with it, but then most of us are afraid to ask. He's a strange bloke is Pete, and we don't want to scare him off. The only problem is that we're fast running out of lard. SillyBoy went down to the lard emporium yesterday to find it closed down, so we're getting a little worried here.
Anyway, while we scan the Yellow Pages for lard shops, you can spend some quality time playing Swap Pop. It's rather bloody good actually.
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When you're as popular as the average Funjunkie editor, you find yourself constantly wading through an email inbox full of fanmail from litterally tens* of people. Consequently some of these messages get read about 3 weeks late, which is why I'm so full of inspiration today.
Game 2 of our Friday Bonanza comes from everybody's favourite viral hunter, Pete, who really ought to have his mugshot over there on the left with the rest of the editorial team.
Here's something you might want to do to your local branch of ShatWest. Simple but addictive.
*Or less
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It always amuses me when I get sent the same link by two different people, but then here at Funjunkie Towers we're all easily amused. In fact just last week Dr.Poppyjuice was found face down in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl after seeing a carrot that looked like a pair of legs with a nob. He was still laughing 2 hours later when Reg went back in to make a cup of tea.
Today's first Funjunkie Friday Game, as recommended by Pete and somebody who obviously decided to remain anonymous, is a lesson in how to fly... or how not to fly, if you consider it a bad idea to be piloting a Jumbo Jet into flying blocks. That's probably going to invalidate your windscreen cover.
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All this kafuffle about the Holy Grail recently would make you think it was a new invention – but I’ve been searching for it for years (personally I think it takes the form of a large bag of liquorice allsorts that have the power to heal all ills and cavities)
I initially thought that it was located in my neighbour Derek’s back garden, but 300 holes and a court order later I’m now convinced that Jesus was the first wombat in space, so I’ve widened my search to include Mars and it’s moons.
Anyway, a couple of slightly deranged Grail Hunters (we know who they are, but if I told you their identities the Knights Templar & Opus Dei would hunt us down and force us to watch JC Superstar repeatedly – but if you really want to know, one of them is named after an afflicted rodent) are trying to sell shares in any future profits they make when they finally find the Grail.
So if you’d like to support them in their hunt why not bid on future shares in The Holy Grail? – go on, you could be the first kid on your block to take a sip from the vessel of eternal life.*
*obviously we don’t really believe in any of this – but it would be cool wouldn’t it?
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Badger Mushroom got very excited when he found out that the famous Panini Sticker Corporation had made a make-your-own-footy-sticker-iser for the World Cup. He started churning out stickers of the forum’s best players. He cleverly then set up a Flickr group so everyone could show off their best players. Unbeknown to him, forum local Peanut had had the same idea at the same time and set up his own Flickr group. So now there are two.
That’s what happens when you get over excited about things. I joined both. I can't wait to see which one gets knocked out first.
Cheers Johnny X
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In the past we've talked about living in Gland and how wonderful that is for us English. But you probably never knew that the name of our country changes during any international football event that we're taking part in.
Just before the World Cup, the Queen, bless her little cotton socks, will hold a press conference as she does before every World Cup, and rename the country: Gerland.
So for the duration of the event, you'll hear lots of Gland supporters chanting in unison about where they live:
"In Gerland! In Gerland! In Gerland!"
And that's not the only tradition us English have during the World Cup. We're so big into football around here that just watching football, playing football, dreaming about football, and kicking a cluster of pixels around on the Playstaion just isn't enough for us. We need more. We need Fantasy Football. We've even got a MiniLeague of our own on there for you to join, called... yes, you've guessed it: Funjunkie.
Right, I'm off to sign up using my George Cross keyboard and mouse.
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We’ve been taking the “how dodgy are you” test on the forums for quite a while now, but everyone seems to be having fun with it, so here it is. On the front page. For all you other lot to play with as well. You lucky people.
Post your 'scores' in the comments box. Hopefully you’ll be less deviant than Dr.Poppyjuice who would have to potentially have to pay a £9500 fine for all his abnormal behaviour, or spend fewer days in prison than Taz's 7300 or so.
Thanks Johnny X
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If you like a bit of music, you want to make some sexy new friends who are into the same stuff as you and have a chance of winning an ace t-shirt (just for good measure), you might be interested to know that the sign-ups for the Funjunkie Summer Burn 2006 are now officially open!
Full Story >>
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It may be a little late in the day, but that won't stop us posting more Funjunkie Friday Games to keep you from doing any of that boring old work stuff.
Come to think of it, you're probably all outside right now playing frisbee in the park, so it's just us who're slaving away indoors, searching for things to keep you entertained. It's a hard life being a Funjunkie editor.
For those few of you who are still sitting in front of the computer, here's something to amuse you for a few more minutes: Sushi Samurai. It's got Sushi in it... and a Samurai!
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Imagine a world filled with objects of Uber perfection. Imaging waking up in an Uber bed, starting the day with an Uber shower, followed by Uber bacon and eggs washed down with Uber coffee.
You drive an Uber car to your Uber office, where you have Uber meetings with your Uber colleagues, earning an Uber salary.
You drive home in your Uber car, sit out in your Uber garden, basking in the heat of the Uber sun, knocking back a few Uber beers from your Uber fridge. As the light starts to dim you wander inside your Uber home, into the Uber games room with your Uber mates, where you spend the rest of the evening playing Uber Pool.
Imagine what a great life you'd have. Now get back to stacking those shelves... I want all those chicken heads neatly arranged by the time I get back.
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God Moaning, my brothers and sisters.
Now I like a drinkee as much as the next wombat, but when I bumped into my old mate Carl last night (on a flying visit from Ireland) I was made, nay, forced to drink immense quantities of Guinness and whisky.
When I feel like this I need something silly and not too complicated to ease my mental & pnysical anguish - so coming across Assmaster was like a cool balm on my tortured brow. It is without a doubt the silliest and most pointless game that you'll ever play.
Enjoy.
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Good morning me luvvies, I'm a little bit shocked this morning, well, not only am I at work extremely early for me, but also I seem to have posted the first Funjunkie Friday Game*. The celebrate this fine ocassion here's a little puzzler for you on this fine Friday, to help you stretch those brain muscles before you let off some steam over the weekend.
Freefall, you move blocks about and match them up......really simple.
* Even before Taz, which is no mean feat.
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For Sale.
Silver car. 4 door saloon. 1 Careful owner. Probably won't pass its next MOT though. Could do with some welding.
Actually, here at Funjunkie Towers we're quite interested in this car, as we've sat underneath it on many a drinking occasion at Bristol's Tobacco Factory. I'll be quite sad to see it go, so if anyone wants to buy it for me as a present...
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We like a good birthday knees up here at FJ Towers, so it’s handy that we have a birthday boy in the house! Happy 20-something Mr O, may all your ales be real.
But wait, that’s not the end of the fun just yet. We’ve laid on a bit of “real” Super Mario action for you. I’ve no idea if you’re a Super Mario fan, but we all are, so just grit your teeth and bear it if you don’t like it.
Cheers Xavier
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With the World Cup nearly upon us, those who'll be involved, those who'll be flying out to watch, and even those of us who'll have to watch from the comfort of our local boozery, are celebrating its imminent arrival.
Just this weekend, Birmingham City celebrated by getting relegated from the Premiership. Everybody's favourite cheeky little scallywag chav boy, Wayne Rooney, celebrated by breaking his foot and tearing up his (now fairly useless) passport. White van men up and down the country are also celebrating by covering their Ford Transits in George cross flags, which we'll be talking about later.
Here at Funjunkie Towers we're celebrating by getting our names on the high scores table of Hansen's Eyebrows, and for once we're actually doing rather well... it'll never last.
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A big hello to all the lovely people from Music For Squares, who for some reason decided to give us a plug* in their new magazine. It was a bit of a mistake to let Badger Mushroom come to the launch party since he’s a bit of a fiend when it comes to eating spare Battenburg cake, but good work anyway!
*We can now have a proper long soak in the bath
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LOTR bloopers?
Enthusiasts of Movie-Mistakes.com have noticed many "bloopers" in Lord of the Rings. They report that in one scene there is a car driving across the horizon; in another, the hobbits are wearing shoes; in another, where one of the black riders is chasing the hobbits onto the ferry, he is clearly wearing a Sony Walkman.
Unreliable Facts from The Brains Trust |
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"The French are not normally a Nordic skiing nation."
- Ron Pickering |
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DeathGob
